Not Even as Fast as an Evening Primrose

I have been training. Working in the studio. Working on my performance through dance, strength + endurance building, qi gong, kung fu, aikido rolls. All of this with: awareness. And what I find is that I am always suddenly hungry for sugar. Or sleepy. Or hungry. Or tired. Or hungry for sugar. Or…anything that I can think of which will delay my arrival to this time of concerted effort and hard work. Sometimes I’m not able to get myself to start working until eleven at night.

I spend hours and hours reading and writing and talking about neuroscience and awareness practices and movement. In spite of that, today I just realized that ‘O, yeah, it’s just like I was writing/reading/talking about: my goal is TOO FAST.

I am the pupil that has to write a sentence on the chalk board 1000 times. Yet, I scream in cognitive dissonance “But I want to reach a certain goal by a certain deadline!”. As usual, my eyes are bigger than my plate (and here I switch to thinking of food as a metaphor.) I just cannot comfortably digest that much food. Yet.

When a woman is pregnant her belly swells over the period of some nine months. Still, if you watch her, you cannot see her belly grow. It is too slow. And yet! the speed at which it grows is SO fast that it can leave speed-growth scars on her skin.

That is how slow we humans change. It does not match the demands of contemporary society, civilization. We are amazingly, wondrously slow creatures. Not even as fast as an evening primrose.